To blog, or not to blog, that was the question…
Then today, I was left on a high. A high I had not yet experienced before. A high that I had heard about from women who were lucky enough to call themselves mothers. Not the high after birth (that’s a whole different blog). But the ferociously, protective high like no other..when you defend your baby/babies and your parenting.
To date, our whole parenting situation has been organized yet floaty. I guess that comes with me being a school teacher and a yoga teacher and my husband a musician and army man. Also, Spending the first three months of our identical twins lives in hospital certainly helped with routine and structure.
But today, when least expected. The mystical creature whom I thought maybe I would never have the displeasure of meeting, made her self known. The little old busy body, who clearly thinks that her cuteness and years of experience on earth gives her permission to judge our parenting.
We had just visited our superheroes at hospital (NICU staff) and were out in the sunshine feeding our identical twin girls on the field nearby. Dahli was crying and fussing with dad while he was trying to feed her while India was calm and happy as she fed. Hubby was stressed. I was upset that he was stressed and he was annoyed at the effort we had went to to get to hospital and that we didn’t get to see many nurses, and also that he had a crying baby in his arms.
Then, across the field (literally..a whole field) came the little old lady who thought she would impart her wisdom upon us. “You really should put a beanie on that little boy”. I couldn’t believe my ears. That little boy? Who was already wearing a blue, fluffy warm, hoodie that had just fallen back as she fussed with her bottle?
First of all I was annoyed that she had failed to notice the hot pink onesie and maryjanes (not that colours matter, my girls wear a a range of colours) and well one should not assume anyway! Then it clicked that she was questioning our parenting and the clothing choices I made for my girls for their special visit to NICU.
I sternly told the lady that she was a little girl, she was quite warm in her hoodie, she was fine and that we didn’t need people to tell us how to parent our children. My husband went silent, not knowing what to say and the lady was very taken aback too. “I was only being kind”, she tried to say after she had said, “oh well some people don’t put beanies on that’s all”, leading to more judgement about other parents whom I do not particularly wish to judge either.
I understand that she thought her intentions were kind and that she perhaps thought that she needed to educate us. And for a second I thought maybe I should apologize for being abrupt with her. But then I realized, you know what. It’s her that needed the educating. Hopefully the fact that I stood up for myself and made it known that her busy bodying was not appreciated, will make her (and her busy body friends) think twice before they cast their judgement and opinions on another parent or parents.
So then we got in the car, and I just started laughing out loud. I couldn’t believe my ferocity and my confidence. My hubby just looked at me and said “you destroyed her”, in a proud, affectionate way (our little tiff of frustration towards each other had now vanished). I didn’t realise I had this spice but now I guess I know that I do. Being a calm (most of the time) and organised (I do my best) mummy doesn’t mean that I can’t stand up for my parenting choices and for my baby who is allowed to have a cry if she needs to! And to all you mummas out there; you are amazing, you know best, and never ever doubt yourself. And compliments to my sister, “Mum always knows best, except when she has no clue and then we just wing it! Am I right!”
So the high that this unpredictable moment gave me, has led to my first blog. Will I write another? Who knows? Will anyone read it? Who cares? Writing it has been very therapeutic for this twin Mummy.
Mum always knows best, except when she has no clue and then we just wing it! — Tara Wilson